Can one write without bleeding?
Art is an expression of emotions, so is writing. It’s been a long time since I have written a personal blog article. I somehow stopped writing altogether for few months. Did I run out of topics to write? No. Didn’t I have time to write? Oh, I did. Then, what happened?
Fear. That was what happened.
As you might guess, I absolutely do not have much of an audience here. I have the full liberty to write whatever I want, however the way I want. Yet, there is a block. I can write plenty of articles on the books I read or the music I listen. I can comment about political topics with ease. Research topics are very easy to do. But, you know what the greatest struggle is? It is to put out my own thoughts, my vulnerable thoughts.
Vulnerability
The way I am writing all this dramatically would make one feel that I have a lot of secrets. No, I do not. I am just a simple human being passing by. Still, it feels challenging to write anything from a dark place. Why, because, I want to cause no entropy to the peaceful equilibrium that I have carefully nurtured around me. May be this is why writers write fictions and poets use metaphors. Those are the masks they use to tell their inner thoughts without having to reveal much.
Fear of judgement
I think I have a whole different persona when I write or text. I get more freedom when I can dabble with words on my own pace. The downside is that, I end up creating multitude of personas depending upon the mediums I use to communicate and the community I choose to interact. These personas clash occasionally and come up to my face in the form of the painful “oh, I didn’t know this side of you” remark. Or, may be, I’m just overthinking.
Perfectionism
Even writing this rant is not easy. There is always this voice in the back of my head making unnecessary comments about my write-up. But, hey, this is not a university essay or a newspaper article. It’s time to stop bothering about sentence structures and grammar for a moment and let one’s thoughts flow free.
Laziness
The most difficult part about writing an article is not the writing part or the thinking part or the research part. It is the revision part. How many times one should re-read to make an essay a perfect one? How may perspectives should I take care of so that it offends nobody? 5? 10? And, that somehow makes me lazy and discourages me from writing anything at all. Strange, how our minds work.
No one will read it
Human beings need positive feedback to continue the work they are doing and to be productive and satisfied. You want people to care about what you create. But, what if no one reads it? Why should I bother writing if no one is going to read it?! But, wait. What if everyone reads it?
To be honest, none of my article never goes unread. I always have at least one audience. Some of my friends still check out what I write. And, I get this unnecessary paranoia of everyone judging me for the raw thoughts I share and the raw thoughts being in discussion are my opinion about a book or an ice-cream flavor 🙃
Freedom
But, if you look at it, this is just a random blog among the see of contents that get published every single day. What I want is, to just write consistently. Just write the thoughts as if I am journaling. Less constraints. More thought flow.
Now that I have finished writing the last point, I realized that this looks more like a journal entry than a blog article. But, that’s the point, isn’t it? I wish to write more consistently and freely in the coming days. I shall also allow myself to bleed a little bit in the process. After all, this is just a hobby. I should be able to enjoy the process. Goodbye, see you soon!
